Simple Journey

I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life... --Mike Donehey, 10th Ave. N.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

What has happened is simple, like a song I learned so young.  I've sloughed off all falsehood.  
I know that sounds simplistic and oversimplified, but it is the truth.
A couple of months ago, I went on our annual family "vacation" to Southern California, spending four days of it at the beach resort my husband grew up visiting every year.  While there, I realized I could not continue my life in the way I had been going.  I didn't know why at the time, and I am still exploring the reasons, but I felt an overwhelming compulsion to. simply. STOP.
Some may believe they recognize here what is commonly called a mid-life crisis.  Others might call it backsliding into my carnal nature.  Still a few may try and characterize my desire to put a stop to the hectic pace of suburban parental life without a husband, mainly, as a psychological crisis in need of a therapist, and maybe they'd be right.  All I know is that listening inside myself I suddenly heard "I'm not going back".  And so I haven't.
Oh yes, I came home physically with my family, how could I not?  But ever since the day I realized I was not living MY life I have not taken up the old reigns, except to care for my children.  And this is right.
You see, I am created in the image of God, a vital part of the Body of Christ, a Masterpiece, a work of art, a living, breathing, growing, giving being, called to service in the arts.  And I can't do better than heed the call.
For a very long time I've listened to voices from outside myself that advise me to ignore the promptings of the Spirit within.  These voices don't hear the Song, and can't appreciate mine.  I refuse to give them the honor of being heard any longer.
Friends and acquaintances (that may be redundant) think I need their advice, need their encouragement to continue in the old ways.  But I need no advice any longer about how to spend my time, energies, and money.  At this point in my life I really think I can be considered mature enough to make these decisions for myself.  They mean well, they just don't get it.
Here are my priorities for answering God's call on the rest of my life:
My children
My family
My gifts and talents
Nothing else matters.  All else will stem from these, and will definitely be enough for me.  For my children and family I will travel anywhere.  In my pursuit of ways to use the gifts and talents I was given will be found ample work as well as amusement. Among my family members, with my children, in using my talents and gifts, my spirit will be filled to overflowing in the worship of the Giver.
What else could one want?
So don't bother calling and trying to tell me I need to drag myself back to yet another shindig for the sake of an institution which neither cares nor wants the real me. Because I won't be listening.  I'm not listening.  I haven't for about three months.
I have bigger fish to fry.
Pescadores yo osare,
Yo osare,
Yo osare.
Pescadores yo osare
Si seguis a Mi.
Si seguis a Mi,
Si seguis a Mi.
Pescadores yo osare,
Si seguis a Mi.
Now my boat's left on the shoreline behind me,
By Your side I will seek other seas.
Thank You, Jesus.
Simply forever Yours,
Patty