Simple Journey

I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life... --Mike Donehey, 10th Ave. N.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Seasons

It seems this season for me has been about changes. I appear a changling to all my friends and acquaintances, and probably my children as well. My family doesn't know what to expect each time they call me and I actually remember to call back.

What is this about?

I have made so many decisions this past year, only to turn around and undo them, only to turn around and try and redo them. I am spinning like a top, it seems, never settling in one place long, never feeling I've found that niche or just the right work for me.

I start off really determined to get some things done, but they go unfinished nonetheless. I am not like this. Where is the real me? Where have I gone?

I remember the Scripture passage that says I should not be like a wave of the sea, pummelled and wafted to and fro by every whiff of change in the world around me. Yet that's exactly how I've been this year. Why?

Is it middle age? Is it other changes in my environment? Is it uncertainty about my kids' futures? Is it the elephant in our living room that has yet to be named out loud?

One thing it isn't: Simple. My life's questions are not simple. Many want to give simple answers to them, but I turn instead to One who never gave a simple answer, and asked some very complex questions during his short stay on earth.

Matthew 8:26    He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?"
Matthew 9:15    And Jesus said to them, "The attendants of the bridegroom cannot mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them, can they?
Matthew 12:48  But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?"
Matthew 14:21  Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, " You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Matthew 15:16  Jesus said, "Are you still lacking in understanding also?
Matthew 16:8    But Jesus, aware of this, said, " You men of little faith, why do you discuss among yourselves that you have no bread?
Matthew 16:15  He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" 
Matthew 17:17  And Jesus answered and said, "You unbelieving and perverted generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you?
Matthew 17:25  He said, "Yes." And when he came into the house, Jesus spoke to him first, saying, "What do you think, Simon? From whom do the kings of the earth collect customs or poll-tax, from their sons or from strangers?"
Matthew 18:1   At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, " Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
Matthew 20:22 But Jesus answered, "You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?"
Matthew 20:32 And Jesus stopped and called them, and said, "What do you want Me to do for you?"

Now there's a loaded question if ever I saw one!!

Matthew 21:16 And Jesus said to them, "Yes; have you never read, ' OUT OF THE MOUTH OF INFANTS AND NURSING BABIES YOU HAVE PREPARED PRAISE FOR YOURSELF'?"
Matthew 21:31 "Which of the two did the will of his father?" 
Matthew 21:42 Jesus said to them, "Did you never read in the Scriptures,' THE STONE WHICH THE BUILDERS REJECTED,THIS BECAME THE CHIEF CORNER stone;THIS CAME ABOUT FROM THE LORD,AND IT IS MARVELOUS IN OUR EYES'?
Matthew 22:18 But Jesus perceived their malice, and said, "Why are you testing Me, you hypocrites?
Matthew 26:10 But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, "Why do you bother the woman?
Matthew 26:55 At that time Jesus said to the crowds, "Have you come out with swords and clubs to arrest Me as you would against a robber?
Matthew 27:46 About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" 

And these are only Jesus' questions recorded in Matthew. In movies, and I've seen a lot of them about the life of Jesus, whenever He asks one of these questions the hearers get funny looks on their faces. They seem to think he is crazy, or simply cannot understand the question. Complexities abound in the answers, and they are not easily come to by mere mortals.

Seems to me I'm asking some similar questions these days, but I've settled the big one, I think. Death I have no problem with. It's life that's getting me all mixed up, all tangled in a macrame knot, only not so neat.

How much suffering are You going to tolerate before You clean this up, Lord?
Where do I fit in all this?
How does the life I'm living right now lead to Your promises in the future?
When will you let me in on Your secret plan, eh Lord?
If this, then why that??
If we're to live new lives, why are we steeped so in traditions that don't serve today or tomorrow's children well, but only tie our hands when we could be doing good things?
If the life of a Christian, lived rightly aligned, exudes joy, why is mine exuding so much angst?
What do you want me to do about all this?!
And what about him, Lord?? How does THAT fit in Your plan???
If You fit me for these various activities, why don't You give me time for each one? When do I do each one? DO I pursue them all, or let some simply die out and become very focused on one as I was able to in my college days? 
How will I know what You want me to do?

On more close scrutiny I see that Jesus' complex answers were really simple after all. But it seems His disciples weren't always ready for simple answers. They wanted it to be more complex than it really was, I think. And so, like me, they created more questions for themselves, more confusion than was necessary.

Am I ready for simple answers? Or do I want complex ones because our world honors that more? Do I hold complexity more highly than simplicity? Am I splitting hairs?!

Perhaps reviewing each one of the answers given in Scripture to Jesus' questions will help me find my own answers. But there aren't answers given, except a little in parables sometimes. Jesus very often leaves people to find their own answers. So apparently this is nothing new. 

Open my eyes that I may see glimplses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key that shall unclasp and set me free.
Silently now I wait for Thee, ready my God, Thy will to see,
Open my eyes, illumine me, Spirit Divine!

Simply searching,
Patty