A Home Coming

Praise God the Father who bestows All gifts to us in love, below --

I am so glad to be here again! We have a view out across the slough, so beautiful, especially when the sun is shining. Listening to English Country Dance music and looking at that view yesterday, it was almost a déjà vu, but wasn't. It was a memory of such happy times, but I never was that happy here all those years ago... or was I?

Why do we only reach appreciation for what we've been given when we can no longer have it? Is it simply because we forget the negatives that came along with it? Or is it a punishment for focusing on negatives in the first place, or for something else? Or maybe we can't see the beautiful forest because someone planted ugly trees to obstruct our vision, which are only gone when we've past through?

I miss Momma and Daddy here so very much. I want to cry when I come over the big, green bridge, so high above the Bay, remembering when we brought our kids to visit Granny and Grandpa for the first time. We drive into North Bend, but veer left and continue down 101 to Motel 6 or Best Western. I'm not to go into the mobile park, driving slowly because Daddy doesn't want me to make his neighbors mad, notice the changes in his friends' single-wides, see the improvements he's made on his home, enjoy the Christmas lights strung along the bushes that line his drive, say "hi" to Mom's swans in the front yard, greet Daddy and Momma with hugs and kisses at the gate, Wally Wags, yipping excitedly at our feet. No, never again.

This is our great sorrow while we dwell below.

But in Heaven, "Oh, what a gathering!"

What a Friend!

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Oh, what peace we often forfeit,

Oh, what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful,

Who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,

Cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge—

Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,

Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised

Thou wilt all our burdens bear;

May we ever, Lord, be bringing

All to Thee in earnest prayer.

Soon in glory bright, unclouded,

There will be no need for prayer—

Rapture, praise, and endless worship

Will be our sweet portion there.

/

Joseph M. Scriven

Friendship is sacred to me. Somehow I have seemed to have lost most of my friends over the years. I went one way and they went another, and life got so busy we just lost contact and that was that.

Friends can hurt like no others, all unwitting. Friendship provides growth ground unequaled by any other relationship but that of marriage. Families are easier, as you have no choice about those, and you can get out of those easier than a very good, very long-lived friendship. Families expect you to go your own way now and then. But friendships can be cloying, controlling, manipulating, and abusive, all in the name of friendship. Misunderstandings abound, and trust is lost.

I find myself pulling back from relationships under these circumstances. "Just let me be alone!" my soul exclaims. But there is One who seeks me out, and won't allow me to remain in my den, nursing my real or imagined wounds. There is one Friend who knows me to the bone, and who will never betray my trust. I never need shrink from His presence, He never suggests what would hurt, His ways are gentle and full of peace.

Jesus is the Friend of sinners, the rest for the weary, the lighthouse for the lost, the pilot over my shoulder. When others would steer me toward their own goals, He whispers, "Peace, be still! and know that I AM God."

When my soul suffers a blow - a purpose crisis, an identity question - I need only return to the place where I hear only one Voice, the Voice of my truest Friend. It's only His opinion I need, only His love that feeds, only His presence I crave. I go looking for them in my human friends, and I am disappointed sometimes. But when I go back to the "Circle of Quiet", as Madeleine L'Engle put it, I am never disappointed.

Keep me true on the path with You, dear Friend. Let me not stray away for long, pull me back when I've aimed my little boat at the wrong target: the approval of anyone but You. And thank You for being my one true Friend.

With love from your simple friend,

Patty

Job 19:19 All my intimate friends detest me; those I love have turned against me. Job 29:4 Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God's intimate friendship blessed my house, Job 42:10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before.

Psalm 55:12-14 (New International Version)

¹² If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.

¹³ But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,

¹⁴ with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

cProverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs 27:9 Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Song of Solomon 5:16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

Jeremiah 9:4 "Beware of your friends; do not trust your brothers. For every brother is a deceiver, and every friend a slanderer.

Jeremiah 9:5 Friend deceives friend, and no one speaks the truth. They have taught their tongues to lie; they weary themselves with sinning.

Jeremiah 38:22 'They misled you and overcame you— those trusted friends of yours. Your feet are sunk in the mud; your friends have deserted you.'

Lamentations 1:2 Bitterly she weeps at night, tears are upon her cheeks. Among all her lovers there is none to comfort her. All her friends have betrayed her; they have become her enemies.

Micah 7:5 Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.

Matthew 26:50 Jesus replied, "Friend, do what you came for."

Luke 5:20 When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."

Luke 21:16 You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death.

John 3:29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

John 15:15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

James 2:23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend.

James 4:4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

Wasting Time

I am wasting time. I didn't know that was what I was doing until my husband decided to tell me. "Get this boy off to school!" he shouts down the stairs. I am currently formulating a well worded message to his algebra teacher, who is under the impression that taking an algebra test over again without any studying in between can improve the score. "Why isn't this boy out the door yet?!" comes the next hurled query. "He is not feeling well," is my answer. "Quit wasting time and get him in the car!" is the unstudied response. I can feel my ire begin to rise. "Wasting time." I have just read that my son can take the proffered redo test at a later date, if necessary. I am taking the time to communicate to his teacher by email just why it may not be a good idea for him to take it today, choosing my words carefully. "Wasting time." Right. I am wasting time now. My son is definitely not going to make it to school today, so when I have finished the message and sent it on its way to the unsuspecting, unenlightened algebra teacher, I stay a while to connect with friends on Facebook. I'm wasting time. One friend asks if my husband is on Facebook. "What a joke!" I think. I inform her that he considers socializing "wasting time". I waste some more time socializing with some more friends on Facebook. Dear people from long, long ago who live far, far away. These are people who are precious to my soul and with whom I would rarely converse otherwise, because time and distance steals familiarity. But they are gems in my treasure box I am not willing to give up soon, after at long last contacting them in this newfangled way that brings them so close every day. So I waste some more time. In about 15 minutes of wasted time I turn my Facebook page to searching out references to Brother Lawrence, with whom I have recently become acquainted and whose writings I am beginning to read. This is soul food. But "wasting time" is all some will see in it. Some plan every minute of every day full of work. "There is way too much too be done," they say, "to relax and enjoy myself even for five minutes!" I have tried that way of life. It is not for me. Others conduct their days according to this motto: "If you want a thing done right, you have to do it yourself." And they want everything done "right" - that is, according to their specifications. So of course there is never time to interject anything pleasant, relaxing, or soul filling into their day. The work must be done! None of this time wasting Facebook stuff for them! Why, next thing you know, you could be sitting in front of the screen all day, actually communicating with people you haven't seen since 3rd grade or something. That might lead to conversations that could unleash forgotten hurts, guilt, or longings you had buried under mountains of living to forget. Yeah, you don't have time to deal with all that stuff. Push it further under! Or you might meet someone interesting who could help you along your way, like a businessman or woman say, who could become so interested in what you do they offer to fund your next project. Then what would you have to complain about? No, better stay the island you've been all these years, plodding alone through your day, complaining about how poorly everyone else does his or her job on the way, nursing your old wounds, relying on your old addictions, never wasting any time making or keeping friends. That's far easier, because then you know you have everything under control and you know exactly what tomorrow will look like and you have nothing to worry about, not even wasting time. But that's not me. I love "wasting time" being in community with friends and family. They are the life's blood of my existence. I was born an extremely social creature, and I have always chosen to remain so. I have given up careers to remain so. I have given up fame to remain so. I will always be so, thanks be to God the Creator. So please don't try and tell me I'm wasting time, when what I am doing is being in communion, something consecrated by our Lord in the Upper Room around 2000 years ago. If you think I am wasting time, try holding yourself up to His standard, and see which lifestyle seems most like His. And if you decide "wasting time" is something that could benefit your life, come on over to my Facebook page. I'll be glad to "friend" you. Simply yours, Patty http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?v=feed&id=1434576718

I Was Glad!

Psalm 122 1 I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD. 2 Our feet shall stand within thy gates, O Jerusalem. 3 Jerusalem is builded as a city that is compact together: 4 Whither the tribes go up, the tribes of the LORD, unto the testimony of Israel, to give thanks unto the name of the LORD. 5 For there are set thrones of judgment, the thrones of the house of David. 6 Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee. 7 Peace be within thy walls, and prosperity within thy palaces. 8 For my brethren and companions' sakes, I will now say, Peace be within thee. 9 Because of the house of the LORD our God I will seek thy good. I love this Psalm, and not least because I first learned it in the choir at Bethany Church of Sierra Madre. Or was it Tustin Pres? I remember it was a great big choir, and they could sing rings around most church choirs at the time. Years later I encountered it once again in Pennsylvania, where I was singing in the choir of Palm Lutheran Church, so named because it was created on Palm Sunday, though apt because it was located in Palmyra. The director was the organist, and was also Mennonite. I remember before the service that day he brought to mind news from Israel, bombings and war, and said this Psalm anthem was all the more poignant. He urged us to truly be in prayer "for the peace of Jerusalem". Last year I participated in our Women's Spring Bible Study, in which we studied the Psalms of Ascent in a devotional series by Beth Moore called Stepping Up. It was truly a turning point in my life, about which I wrote on this blog. I learned to put myself in these Psalms as the travelers to Jerusalem would have. I learned so much about their richness, which we miss without knowing their history. At that time I was feeling a call toward home, in more ways than one. I had just visited my childhood haunts in Southern California, and was full of homesickness, and I was feeling the beginnings of a great nesting urge that comes at this age, some have told me. And still I was feeling the homelessness I've felt since we first left the places of our childhood. In addition, and perhaps most importantly, my heart thought it caught a voice calling me home to my faith. In the year that has come between these intuitions and my present situation, so very much transpired that seemed to lead in the opposite direction from home. Multiple musical opportunities, which I would have given much for in prior years, especially when the children were babies, presented themselves without my asking. I seemed to have reached a plateau where I found myself interacting with the best of the best in my field, and without so much effort as in the past. They and I were simply there, together, on the same plain. Was this not a sign that I was supposed to take that direction? So much happened in our family since that time last spring when I knew exactly in what direction I was meant to go. Everything that happened made me doubt. I doubted my intuition. I doubted my abilities. I doubted my identity. I doubted my usefulness. I doubted my marriage. I doubted my God. I followed the rabbit of self-fulfillment down his hole for many months. I leaned unto my own understanding. In the midst of my explorations, I completely forgot the lessons learned in Stepping Up, totally lost the peace and fellowship of my sisters bonded by that time together in study and prayer. My words about the Psalms of Ascent lay fallow on my blog, and I forgot my own writings which sprang from the depths of my innermost soul. And God let me wander. Someone has said God gives us enough rope to hang ourselves; or He gives us just enough to go as far as we need away from Him to realize we want to turn around. And when we do, the rope is there. I believe this after this year. God let me go so far down those rabbit holes! But then by grace I turned around. I heard a whisper, felt a nudge, came to the end of the rope. There was no other choice. I turned around. I remember the sheer joy in the voices of the choirs I've sung this Psalm with. For years I've wished our director would choose more of the old anthems, as we certainly have the choir to handle them. Last spring I asked her about this one, but haven't seen it emerge. Maybe one day she will think of it, but I remember well enough for myself. A great shout and a holy joy: "I WAS GLAD..... I WAS GLAD..... I WAS GLAD when they said unto me ......!!" Yes! I am GLAD!! "Our feet are standing within thy gates, O Jerusalem! Pray for the peace of Jerusalem. They prosper who love thee. Peace be within these walls...." Amen!

Waiting....

Psalm 130:6 (New International Version)

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

"My soul waits..." and waits.... and waits...... "How long, O Lord?" I need an answer TODAY. I needed it YESTERDAY. But You give nothing. I seek advice among the beloved friends You gave me, but their advice sets my head spinning.

"Listen to the Lord's voice."

"Just Do It!"

"Follow your heart."

"Do what's good for your kids."

"You need that on your resume."

"Be yourself."

"Shut down ALL the voices and listen only for HIS."

I try to follow that last one especially. But there is nothing. I shut down all the voices still spinning in my head, and there is nothing.

I lie on the bed at 3:00 am and wait.... and wait... and wait.. There is nothing. I turn toward the window when I hear the birds begin to wake up and sing. There is light coming in the sky, beginning to turn the few leftover clouds to that magical morning color someone once called "sky-blue-pink", with a touch of gold: God's gold, I once read in a beautiful book. And the birds sing.

"My soul waits for the Lord." I pray. And pray some more. I try listening again, but one of the voices suddenly begins to chatter. I roll over, shutting it down once more, and another begins. Back to the window.

"My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning." I'm waiting for the morning too.

Perhaps that's my problem. I'm waiting for the morning, when I need to be waiting for the Lord.

How I love the morning! Especially in summer, and today is like summer, after the rain...

"...like the tender grass springing out of the earth, by clear shining, after rain, after rain, after rain...."

I've been waiting for the morning when I could have been waiting for the Lord. Nevertheless He comes, waiting or not. Just like the sun, after rain.

The answer has been lurking around in and through all my questions the whole time. It was in my counseling sessions twice, it was in a conversation with my sister. It was in my initial decision. And it's still there. I'm just afraid to take it.

So I wait for the Lord. Now the morning's come. I wait for the Lord. More than watchmen wait for the morning.

And He is faithful.

"He that ruleth over men must be just, ruling in the fear of God.

"And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds; as the tender grass springing out of the earth by clear shining after rain.

"Although my house be not so with God; yet he hath made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure: for this is all my salvation, and all my desire, although he make it not to grow." 2 Samuel 3-5

I'm waiting...