Christmas Reflections

The reflections made by the Christmas tree lights on my wooden floor entrance me. I try to capture them in my digital camera on "Indoor" and "Night Scene" settings - to no avail. The light play defies any human attempt at reproducing it.

Like the light in my daughter's eyes when she suddenly sees her own humor in a word, and her ponytails dance in curls, and her laughter skips in leaps, awakening the sleeping child inside her mother. It defies any camera, and this author's pen.

The lights themselves blur and blend in the camera's eye, not like the blur and definition on my floor, but something like the blur and run in the water I suddenly find in these human eyes, remembering a tiny tot's joy.

The shadows on my floor are clearer than the light, making sticks and branches out of far tinier needles, well-defined. They are in exact contrast to their counterparts in the tree, where lights are bright and dark needles blur.

Is that like Heaven?

Do angels and saints shine sharply bright in Heaven, only to blur on earth? Do the sharp pains of earth blur and soften in Heaven when we come there at last? Do the great, shining, good things of God in Heaven show up here on earth simply as rather ineffectual mirrors of Him, while the deep, dark, stabbing shadows of the evil one stand out in high definition here, focusing our attention on them instead of that great, good God?

But the scaffold sways the future,
And behind the dim unknown,
Standeth God within the shadows,
Keeping watch above His own.

Amen! May your New Year be filled with the sure knowledge of God standing within your shadows, keeping watch over you and yours.

Simply,
Patty

A Baby Changes Everything

Ok, I agree, it was certainly a risky business impregnating a teen in 1 BC in Israel. Mary was surely "at risk".

But I want to pause a moment and give voice to a thought that has often niggled at the back of my mind when listening for the 7,214th time to a sermon expounding the dangers of Mary's situation, and her supposed fears and apprehensions, along with her near holiness at having been able to say yes. Don't throw tomatoes yet, folks, I'm not suggesting our Lord's mother was not special and blessed of God. But please take a look with me at another possibility....

"Wait, Mom wait! let me go see the baby!" My bratty sister (sorry, Jan!) assumed Mom would do just what she wanted, and she was right. We all had to stop on our way out of the grocery store while Janice ran back to "oo" and "ah" over the squiggling thing in the woman's arms. She was trying to hold him, keep two toddlers under control, and pay her grocery bill all at once. Just like our mother. Nothing interesting there. Let's go! But no, Janice had to make us all stand BORED out of our gourds while she went gaga over somebody ELSE'S sibling. Arrr!! It made no sense to me. When I was her age I simply ignored the things, didn't even know they existed. Couldn't play with them, and they were always getting everyone's attention. Forget 'em!

But not Janice. Even as a toddler herself she mooned over infants. As she got older, she followed young mothers around at church, or even in the store! Just to see their babies. She was ecstatic when a mother let her hold her precious child for a few minutes. I had no time for this, life was to be lived and I was ready to live it with both feet! But Jan stopped and took time to cuddle and coo over every tiny being that came her way.

As a teen, my sister babysat a lot. I did not. I was into my own pursuits and disliked smelly diapers. Jan seemed to find it as enjoyable to change a diaper as I did exploring the keyboard on our upright. I could never understand it. She was even requested by some mothers, because of her rapport with their kids and her obedience to the parents' rules. To me she was just an annoying little sister who always wanted to be a copycat (sorry again, Jan!). I couldn't see beyond my own absorptions. Jan always had her eyes out for "the least of these".

And so it was really no amazement to me at all that she should be the first of us three to start a family. It seemed like a natural outgrowth of who she had been becoming all her young life. I abhorred the thought of a life growing through childhood and adolescence only to end in motherhood, but she seemed as if that was her only goal in life. I could not fathom it, did not respect it, and though I loved them dearly kept as far away as possible from the noisy, carefree crowd that grew from her young love. Oi! give me a break!

The four were always running into, through, and around my life just when I least expected them, and usually when I most needed sleep. After a concert I'd come home in the middle of the night to find toys strewn around our parents home (they lived with us for some time due to her Air Force veteran hubby's being without work until he learned his father's business). I would be fast asleep in the morning, sleeping off a party with my fiance's friends the night before that got a little raucous, and in would come three half naked hoodlums armed with noise makers and smelling of someone's diaper, wondering why Aunt Patty didn't want to be up already and playing with them. Oi!

Don't get me wrong, I loved them fiercely, but I hadn't learned how you love children yet. However, this story is about Mary, and I digress. Back to the subject.

I watched my sister through the years become adept at handling four hoodlums at once, PLUS. Her kids' birthday parties always included hordes of hoodlums, and she actually smiled at them as she told them not to swing the cat by its tail or try out the new plastic baseball bat on their cousins' heads. I could never understand it.

I watched as she became a crafty homemaker, sewing needed items, lovingly cooking meals I'd never attempt for her half Mexican husband (tacos for Christmas???). I watched as she worked her way through a "deal-breaking" time in her marriage, supporting her husband through deep trials, and always determined to be the best mother God could help her to be. And they came out of that tunnel into the light, in which they both now walk together, radiant if not perfect.

I watched as she sent her children into the world, praying praying praying they would do right and find joy. I watch as each grandchild is welcomed, always attended by Grammy Janny. I watch as young people who may not be living the prescribed way of our faith nevertheless are welcomed into a loving home and nourished, while strongly guided to renew their lives. I watch as my sister struggles with questions too big for all of us, always praying, always seeking the most nourishing answers for her family. I see her "adopt" many and many a child and young person in her church family, and any others she may come in contact with.

I like to think she adopted her middle sister too. She has certainly taught her much, and if her middle sister may be forgiven for her earlier (and a few ongoing) transgressions and their accompanying pains, she will be blessed indeed.

None of her children were planned.

I know that God gave to my sister the life to which He called her. I know that He equipped her peculiarly for this work, that He gave her special gifts He did not impart to me, but I have had to work hard for, so that He could send her way strays and outcasts to be loved into fellowship with Him. I have learned so much from my little sissy over the years. I would never have attempted running a 10-boy den of Cub Scouts without the memories I have of her with young boys running circles round her, and how she kept her cool. Jan has a precious calling.

Was it that way with Mary? Did she yearn for a child with all her being, even before the culturally accepted time? Did all her heart grow even bigger upon every sight of a baby? Did she seize every opportunity to babysit? Did she choose rather to converse in toddlerese than with the learned on any subject except babies and children? Was she, in fact, EXCITED to be given the astounding news that she would become pregnant by the Holy Spirit? Right now?

Gabriel: "Hey, you favorite! Bless you more than all the other women! God is with YOU!"

Mary, to herself: "What the heck?! What on EARTH can this shiny guy be talking about? Wow! Have I done something out of context? He must have me mixed up with somebody else! Maybe God is mad at me! Is he here to tell me the earth is going to swallow me up like Korah and his family when they tried to seize the priesthood?!!"

Gabriel: "Don't be afraid, Mary, God's happy with you. Mary, you're gonna have a BABY! The Holy Spirit will cause this to happen in you, and so the child will be Holy and be God's Son. Ain't that great? You're gonna have God's Son growing in you, and God's Son will be born through YOU. If you don't believe it, just look at your cousin Elizabeth, even that old, childless thing's having a baby! You wouldn't believe it, except for this:

"With God nothing shall be impossible."

Mary: "Ok. Let God do whatever He wants to me, just like you said. I'm ready!"

This wasn't planned either.

Imagine if Mary had lived now. Would she have been excited at this news? Imagine this conversation set in 2009:

Gabriel: "Hey, you favorite! Bless you more than all the other women! God is with YOU!"

Mary: "What on earth? I'm busy, come back later! I don't have time for this now. Go see my secretary and he'll schedule you a meeting. I've got a conference call coming I can NOT miss!"

Or....

Gabriel: "Hey, you favorite! Bless you more than all the other women! God is with YOU!"

Mary: "Oh wow.... must have been SOME DRUG slipped into that drink last night....! So what gives with this?"

Gabriel: "Don't be afraid, Mary, God's happy with you. In fact, He's so happy He's decided to give you that baby you've secretly been wishing for but putting off for a later time, less filled with performances and ideas, on a schedule you thought you'd have completely under control. Well, I'm here to tell you that you actually have NO CONTROL OVER ANYTHING! Ain't that great? The Holy Spirit will cause this to happen in you, and so the child will be Holy and be God's Son. You're gonna have God's Son growing in you, and God's Son will be born through YOU. Now! If you don't believe it, just look at your cousin Elizabeth, even that old, childless thing's having a baby! You wouldn't believe it, except for this:

"With God nothing shall be impossible."

Mary: "Oh yeah? Fat chance, shiny guy! I've been on the pill for years, there is NO WAY I'm havin' a baby this year, buddy! Not with the opening of my new show, no WAY! I've got it all figured out. I'll have a baby when I'm good and ready, and not a minute nanosecond before, you hear?! Now get outta my way, I gotta show to do!"

Or.....

Gabriel: "Hey, you favorite! Bless you more than all the other women! God is with YOU!"

Mary: "Oh weird. Not what I'd planned for here. Interesting though....."

Gabriel: "Don't be afraid, Mary, God's happy with you. Mary, you're gonna have a BABY!"........etc.

"With God nothing shall be impossible."

Mary: "Ha! Really? Well.... I don't have that in my plan. MY plan calls for six more years of medical school and then internship and then starting a practice, so I can pay to keep myself and my child out of debt, the new evil that should be avoided at all cost, including that of starting a family when it is designed to be started. Nope. Not buyin' it, Gabe. I'll put it on the list to be planned in, though, as soon as I'm solvent and rock solid secure in the world. Sounds like a good idea, just not now. Thanks anyway, though. Maybe you should take a look at that teen down the street who married the drug addict and can't seem to find anything better to do than housework. She'd probably be really glad for something like a baby to distract her from her husband's drinking. Yeah, go on down by the railroad tracks there...."

Yes, laud and applaud Mary's meekness, her obedience, her courage. Yes, it could have been a disaster. But it wasn't. God saw to that. He chose the right mother, and the right father, for His Son. He knew what He was doing. And so did Mary, I think, in some ways. He put His Son with the most nurturing couple He could find on earth. A young girl something like my sister, I think.

This thought makes me smile each December when I hear the dire assumptions, albeit possibly true. Maybe, just maybe God had a different idea besides scaring a teen into responsibility. Maybe He actually wanted to fulfill her most precious dreams, kept only to herself for so long.

I wonder. A baby changes everything.

Psalm 40

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]

5 Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced [b] , [c] ; burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll. [d]

8 I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!" be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

Footnotes: 1. Psalm 40:4 Or to falsehood 2. Psalm 40:6 Hebrew; Septuagint but a body you have prepared for me (see also Symmachus and Theodotion) 3. Psalm 40:6 Or opened 4. Psalm 40:7 Or come / with the scroll written for me

I opened my mouth the day before yesterday. Well, actually, I opened my computer really. I saw something I felt called upon to respond to in a rather long-winded fashion. Not out loud, of course, just through my fingers on the keyboard. But it was posted to a forum seen by others, some of whom I don't even know. When I saw a comment the next day, I wondered: "Was I wrong to respond to the questions I had seen, aimed directly at me?"

I decided to trust God with this one. It's often hard for me to trust God with things. I see what I think should be righted, or corrected, or realigned, and I think it my job to do it. There are so few who see straight these days, and I sometimes think I'm one of them. I fear I am arrogant in a backhanded kind of way without ever knowing it. But didn't Jesus call us to be salt and light to the world?

"A city set on a hill cannot be hid", and "if the salt has lost its flavor, it is good only to be thrown out the door and trampled under foot." - Jesus

I fell to wondering how a devoted disciple could know the right thing to do in this society of people who fear the emotions of others and quail in the face of strong words.

Then I open the Bible and start reading. I've been reading the Bible in 90 Days along with my church, and this morning I was hoping to catch up again. I would need to read about 50 Psalms this morning to do that. Knowing I probably would fall asleep before I got a chance, I set out to read 10. When I got to 10 I decided to read to 15, as I was getting sleepy again. I struggled to keep my eyes open and not drop the mostly empty coffee cup in my hand (that was how I was keeping myself awake, not drinking coffee, just holding the cup!). I kept reading on because I knew if I'd kept my eyes open for 20 Psalms I could do it for 5 more. This is how I at last reached 40. I was about to stop when I noticed a section break across the page and decided to finish that section: Book I. Psalms of David, my favorite hero of the Bible, as he was a singer.

As I read Psalm 40 I was suddenly shaken out of my doze by the underlining I'd placed on verse 5, years ago, I don't remember why. But verse 9 opened my eyes even wider: "I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;I do not seal my lips,as you know, O LORD." Oh yes, You know, Lord! I certainly have not kept my mouth shut like a good little woman. I have not appeared meek and coy and retiring in the presence of my "betters", or in front of "non-believers" as I was taught to do as a good Christian model for girls. I really did it this time. I said just what I thought, answered those questions from a confused boy straight head-on, I did. I really tried to be compassionate and understanding of his youth. I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt - HIS doubt, not mine. I seriously wanted to share the Truth with him.

He really was doubting, that boy, if not downright mislead. Maybe I felt a little defensive. Maybe I got just a tiny bit up on my high horse. Maybe I was carried away just a smidgen by the sentiment expressed in verse 15: "May those who say to me, 'Aha! Aha!' be appalled at their own shame." Maybe, without realizing it, I wished "may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace" and "be put to shame and confusion"(vs.14). Maybe I hadn't had the right motivation, or the right Spirit...

It's so hard for me to tell sometimes: "...my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see." (vs. 12). And now I began to fear "troubles without number surround me" and will be "more than the hairs of my head" (vs. 17). Maybe those who've read my answer or who will read it are going to say I've behaved incorrectly, even sisters and brothers of my faith. Maybe other young people are going to despise my name, and will cause trouble for my daughter whom they know. Maybe I've just done the stupidest thing in the world!

"But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation always say,

'The LORD be exalted!'"

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me."

What should I do? Should I write a mea culpa? But I said nothing wrong, really, only answered the questions the best I could. Why this feeling of wrong-doing then? Or is it just fear, am I simply unable to stand behind my words as I claimed I would do, a coward at the last?

"Yet I am poor and needy;

may the Lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

O my God, do not delay."

I prayed, "If I've done wrong, Lord, then You correct me, please. If it wasn't Your voice I heard, then let me be deaf. Put to death this spirit of falseness, this desire to do right, to correct those lost in the confusion, to lead them to a better understanding of You."

"Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;

O LORD, come quickly to help me."

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me."

Then my eyes drifted up again to the preceding verses:

"Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,

but my ears you have pierced (opened);

burnt offerings and sin offerings

you did not require.

"Then I said, 'Here I am, I have come—

it is written about me in the scroll.

'I desire to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my heart.'"

And there I was back again:

"I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;

I do not seal my lips,

as you know, O LORD.

I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;

I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.

I do not conceal your love and your truth

from the great assembly."

Wasn't that where all this started? With me opening my mouth? So maybe.... maybe it was the right thing to do after all. Oh bother! I'll never figure this out, I'm a simple human with quite a simple mind here. How can I possibly fathom the intent of GOD?! I figured all that's left for me to do is trust: trust His grace and mercy, trust His infinite wisdom, trust His amazing love beyond all other things.

"I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD. "

Resting in that thought I felt the most amazing peace come over my heart and soul. Never since my childhood days have I felt anything like it. The thought that I am not required to figure out the complexities and purities of God's own will in the midst of my sinful, human condition is so freeing, it is like being a young child again. There is nothing to compare with this - not wine, not friendships, not physical pleasures, not drugs, not mental pleasures, not even music itself - no thing on earth, not anything, can possibly equal the peace of letting God be God. This peace which passes all understanding is the greatest treasure I have found.

"Blessed is the man

who makes the LORD his trust,

who does not look to the proud,

to those who turn aside to false gods."

Oh yes, blessed!

"Many, O LORD my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare."

So I will stop declaring for a while, and let one more "wonder" do the talking for itself. Maybe I didn't get all 50 Psalms read today, but I think something more important was accomplished.

"And now may the peace off God which passes all understanding keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Amen".

Simply and peacefully yours,

Patty

On the Lighter Side

Traditional Mac and Cheese It Is Not!

I just tried to put together the WW recipe (a filling foods recipe) that purports to be "traditional" mac & cheese. Well, I have to confess, I did not do all the ingredients or all the steps, as my college age daughter was starving and breathing down my neck. I just cooked the noodles in one pan, while I threw the two cheeses and a little milk in another pan. It seemed similar to what you do when you buy the boxes, right?

Wrong!

After a minute the milk began to heat up enough to melt the cheeses, and it looked at first as if I was going to have an A-1 cheese sauce for my FF mac and cheese. But suddenly it did NOT look like a sauce, as it separated and looked like something you don't want to think about if you're about to eat.

Well, I took it off the heat, and stirred and stirred, then it became very stringy and chewy, almost like caramel.

I threw it in with the drained macaroni, thinking that would help it. But I tell you, that cheese took on a life of its own! It refused to marry itself in any way, shape, or form to the noodles. It sits in globs among them, but that is it! And if you try to scoop some pseudo mac & cheese onto a plate or bowl, you can never sever the cheesy strings that come along.

I tasted it, just to see. It is palatable, but just. And it is most definitely NOTHING like traditional mac & cheese!! LOL!

I hope you've enjoyed this little kitchen encounter of mine. I know I have. I enjoyed laughing at myself trying to provide a fattening meal with no fat for our daughter who has been away at college and therefore is not tuned into my fat free existence yet.

Have a nice day. I'm off to find some REAL mac & cheese, ready-made at the store - for my daughter, not me! 6:D

P.S. Yes, I know I did not follow the recipe as I ought to have. But what I want to know is, would it really have made any difference?

I shared that on the Weight Watchers website, and people got a kick out of it. But I thought it could have another application. Now doesn't this just apply very well to our walk as Christians? Sometimes we get in a hurry, or I know I do! And we want to see results NOW, Lord! We're tired of waiting, and we've done what we should all along - we think to ourselves.

Wrong!

You forgot to include ALL the ingredients in the recipe. So, what did you leave out? Let's see:

Bible - check! Prayer - check! Meditation/prayer time - check! Fellowship - check!

What's missing? This seems like a pretty exhaustive list to me. I mean, I even included TIME, which is what I usually prefer to leave out.

Well, I'm not saying you'll get immediate results, but there is one more thing I've found I must have in my recipe before it even begins to resemble the joy-filled Christian life spoken of in the Bible: Forgiveness.

You see, if I have all my ducks in a row, and I'm still holding out for something from someone who I think deserves to give it to me, I get nowhere. I just go on treading water, or running in place like a hamster on a wheel, wondering what's wrong. The best and most immediate results I've ever gotten in this life have come after I stop expecting some other human being to provide something I think I need before I can move forward. This doesn't mean my life is always perfect when I've forgiven someone, and everything flows smoothly in the direction I want it to. But it does mean I can begin again to move forward, and I certainly lose a lot of dead weight, extra baggage, from my sinking boat. The recipe does begin to resemble the one I've come to use most often for my direction.

Next time, follow the Recipe - oh I don't mean my little one up there. That one's for me. I mean the one in the Book. Take it and make your own recipe for life from it. I know I will, or at least try to from now on! And don't let someone else decide the state of your Walk.

Simply yours, Patty

"Those dumb Kings," I keep thinking. "When WILL they ever learn?"

I've been reading the Bible In Ninety Days, or BIND, as we affectionately call it, along with my church. I have just finished the books of I and II Kings, which is a chronicling of why the writer thought God allowed the Israelites to be defeated and taken off to Babylon in captivity. I continually asked myself, "Why can't those blundering kings get it right??"

But I suppose I wouldn't have been any better. How much am I tempted by the material things in my culture? I don't want to admit. But wasn't that the Israelites' problem too? They wanted what they saw the pagans having: sensual and material pleasures. Don't we all?

I was struck this morning when I read the prayer of Jabez and realized he did not ask at all in order to contribute more to God's kingdom - he just asked. (I know I'm leaping ahead here.) I think I tend to judge the Israelites too harshly, now that I realize the surrounding culture was already rife with the Godlessness they sank to. And growing up, the kids' Bible stories we were read painted the Bible heroes as such god-like figures themselves, not subject to normal human needs really. But they weren't, they were simple humans, only their devotion was often single-minded and their purpose unswayed by those around them.

How do we get this same devotion and single-mindedness in the midst of our fallen society? The Israelites failed often too, so we needn't imagine we are any less able than they were because we don't always see success. God honored faithfulness late in life, even after someone had lived a life full of sin, if he or she turned to God at the last.

So we can reach for the gold (so to speak), no matter what came before. We can keep our eyes on the prize, our hand to the plow. We CAN be people of purpose, God's Purpose, in spite of all the shortcomings we see in ourselves.

Somehow, Israel's failure inspires me more than if they had always done the right thing.

What about you?

Simply yours,

Patty