Waiting....

Psalm 130:6 (New International Version)

⁶ My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.

"My soul waits..." and waits.... and waits...... "How long, O Lord?" I need an answer TODAY. I needed it YESTERDAY. But You give nothing. I seek advice among the beloved friends You gave me, but their advice sets my head spinning.

"Listen to the Lord's voice."

"Just Do It!"

"Follow your heart."

"Do what's good for your kids."

"You need that on your resume."

"Be yourself."

"Shut down ALL the voices and listen only for HIS."

I try to follow that last one especially. But there is nothing. I shut down all the voices still spinning in my head, and there is nothing.

I lie on the bed at 3:00 am and wait.... and wait... and wait.. There is nothing. I turn toward the window when I hear the birds begin to wake up and sing. There is light coming in the sky, beginning to turn the few leftover clouds to that magical morning color someone once called "sky-blue-pink", with a touch of gold: God's gold, I once read in a beautiful book. And the birds sing.

"My soul waits for the Lord." I pray. And pray some more. I try listening again, but one of the voices suddenly begins to chatter. I roll over, shutting it down once more, and another begins. Back to the window.

"My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning." I'm waiting for the morning too.

Perhaps that's my problem. I'm waiting for the morning, when I need to be waiting for the Lord.

How I love the morning! Especially in summer, and today is like summer, after the rain...

"...like the tender grass springing out of the earth, by clear shining, after rain, after rain, after rain...."

I've been waiting for the morning when I could have been waiting for the Lord. Nevertheless He comes, waiting or not. Just like the sun, after rain.

The answer has been lurking around in and through all my questions the whole time. It was in my counseling sessions twice, it was in a conversation with my sister. It was in my initial decision. And it's still there. I'm just afraid to take it.

So I wait for the Lord. Now the morning's come. I wait for the Lord. More than watchmen wait for the morning.

And He is faithful.

"He that ruleth over men must be just, ruling in the fear of God.

"And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds; as the tender grass springing out of the earth by clear shining after rain.

"Although my house be not so with God; yet he hath made with me an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things, and sure: for this is all my salvation, and all my desire, although he make it not to grow." 2 Samuel 3-5

I'm waiting...