Psalm 40

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]

5 Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced [b] , [c] ; burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come— it is written about me in the scroll. [d]

8 I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly; I do not seal my lips, as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me.

14 May all who seek to take my life be put to shame and confusion; may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace.

15 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!" be appalled at their own shame.

16 But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "The LORD be exalted!"

17 Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

Footnotes: 1. Psalm 40:4 Or to falsehood 2. Psalm 40:6 Hebrew; Septuagint but a body you have prepared for me (see also Symmachus and Theodotion) 3. Psalm 40:6 Or opened 4. Psalm 40:7 Or come / with the scroll written for me

I opened my mouth the day before yesterday. Well, actually, I opened my computer really. I saw something I felt called upon to respond to in a rather long-winded fashion. Not out loud, of course, just through my fingers on the keyboard. But it was posted to a forum seen by others, some of whom I don't even know. When I saw a comment the next day, I wondered: "Was I wrong to respond to the questions I had seen, aimed directly at me?"

I decided to trust God with this one. It's often hard for me to trust God with things. I see what I think should be righted, or corrected, or realigned, and I think it my job to do it. There are so few who see straight these days, and I sometimes think I'm one of them. I fear I am arrogant in a backhanded kind of way without ever knowing it. But didn't Jesus call us to be salt and light to the world?

"A city set on a hill cannot be hid", and "if the salt has lost its flavor, it is good only to be thrown out the door and trampled under foot." - Jesus

I fell to wondering how a devoted disciple could know the right thing to do in this society of people who fear the emotions of others and quail in the face of strong words.

Then I open the Bible and start reading. I've been reading the Bible in 90 Days along with my church, and this morning I was hoping to catch up again. I would need to read about 50 Psalms this morning to do that. Knowing I probably would fall asleep before I got a chance, I set out to read 10. When I got to 10 I decided to read to 15, as I was getting sleepy again. I struggled to keep my eyes open and not drop the mostly empty coffee cup in my hand (that was how I was keeping myself awake, not drinking coffee, just holding the cup!). I kept reading on because I knew if I'd kept my eyes open for 20 Psalms I could do it for 5 more. This is how I at last reached 40. I was about to stop when I noticed a section break across the page and decided to finish that section: Book I. Psalms of David, my favorite hero of the Bible, as he was a singer.

As I read Psalm 40 I was suddenly shaken out of my doze by the underlining I'd placed on verse 5, years ago, I don't remember why. But verse 9 opened my eyes even wider: "I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;I do not seal my lips,as you know, O LORD." Oh yes, You know, Lord! I certainly have not kept my mouth shut like a good little woman. I have not appeared meek and coy and retiring in the presence of my "betters", or in front of "non-believers" as I was taught to do as a good Christian model for girls. I really did it this time. I said just what I thought, answered those questions from a confused boy straight head-on, I did. I really tried to be compassionate and understanding of his youth. I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt - HIS doubt, not mine. I seriously wanted to share the Truth with him.

He really was doubting, that boy, if not downright mislead. Maybe I felt a little defensive. Maybe I got just a tiny bit up on my high horse. Maybe I was carried away just a smidgen by the sentiment expressed in verse 15: "May those who say to me, 'Aha! Aha!' be appalled at their own shame." Maybe, without realizing it, I wished "may all who desire my ruin be turned back in disgrace" and "be put to shame and confusion"(vs.14). Maybe I hadn't had the right motivation, or the right Spirit...

It's so hard for me to tell sometimes: "...my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see." (vs. 12). And now I began to fear "troubles without number surround me" and will be "more than the hairs of my head" (vs. 17). Maybe those who've read my answer or who will read it are going to say I've behaved incorrectly, even sisters and brothers of my faith. Maybe other young people are going to despise my name, and will cause trouble for my daughter whom they know. Maybe I've just done the stupidest thing in the world!

"But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation always say,

'The LORD be exalted!'"

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me."

What should I do? Should I write a mea culpa? But I said nothing wrong, really, only answered the questions the best I could. Why this feeling of wrong-doing then? Or is it just fear, am I simply unable to stand behind my words as I claimed I would do, a coward at the last?

"Yet I am poor and needy;

may the Lord think of me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

O my God, do not delay."

I prayed, "If I've done wrong, Lord, then You correct me, please. If it wasn't Your voice I heard, then let me be deaf. Put to death this spirit of falseness, this desire to do right, to correct those lost in the confusion, to lead them to a better understanding of You."

"Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;

O LORD, come quickly to help me."

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;

may your love and your truth always protect me."

Then my eyes drifted up again to the preceding verses:

"Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,

but my ears you have pierced (opened);

burnt offerings and sin offerings

you did not require.

"Then I said, 'Here I am, I have come—

it is written about me in the scroll.

'I desire to do your will, O my God;

your law is within my heart.'"

And there I was back again:

"I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;

I do not seal my lips,

as you know, O LORD.

I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;

I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.

I do not conceal your love and your truth

from the great assembly."

Wasn't that where all this started? With me opening my mouth? So maybe.... maybe it was the right thing to do after all. Oh bother! I'll never figure this out, I'm a simple human with quite a simple mind here. How can I possibly fathom the intent of GOD?! I figured all that's left for me to do is trust: trust His grace and mercy, trust His infinite wisdom, trust His amazing love beyond all other things.

"I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD. "

Resting in that thought I felt the most amazing peace come over my heart and soul. Never since my childhood days have I felt anything like it. The thought that I am not required to figure out the complexities and purities of God's own will in the midst of my sinful, human condition is so freeing, it is like being a young child again. There is nothing to compare with this - not wine, not friendships, not physical pleasures, not drugs, not mental pleasures, not even music itself - no thing on earth, not anything, can possibly equal the peace of letting God be God. This peace which passes all understanding is the greatest treasure I have found.

"Blessed is the man

who makes the LORD his trust,

who does not look to the proud,

to those who turn aside to false gods."

Oh yes, blessed!

"Many, O LORD my God,

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare."

So I will stop declaring for a while, and let one more "wonder" do the talking for itself. Maybe I didn't get all 50 Psalms read today, but I think something more important was accomplished.

"And now may the peace off God which passes all understanding keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Amen".

Simply and peacefully yours,

Patty